Ok, this is a real one guys, but something that has to get out. May hasn’t been a very productive month for me for the past few years. I have a hunch as to why…
What do you do when your inspiration/motivation to create fall flat? What do you do when you can’t use your outlet as an outlet?
This happened to me. The sudden and completely unexpected loss of a friend four years ago blanked all of my creative senses. My friend was very creative and hands on, and doing these things made me think of her and all that was lost. My brain was fried, my attention span was non-existent. How can I sit down and get into my zone on a sketch if I can’t sit still for more than 10 minutes? How can you do something that always makes you feel better, if you can’t focus enough to do it? What do you do when your mental, creative, and inspirational outlet has hidden away while you deal with all of this?
If you look at my sketchbooks around this time, they go from sketches and fancy lettering almost everyday, to just plain writing. Very few artsy touches, almost no sketches or found ideas. Mostly notes about how I can’t get back on track, how I can’t think straight and how things are so much harder than they used to be. I couldn’t do it, I didn’t have the power or the motivation. Even reading was hard, ugh! It was a very frustrating time.
So what do you do? Honestly, looking back, it wasn’t one conscious decision, but a pile of tiny steps. I did what I could to keep what “normal” things I could control “normal”. I went to the gym to burn off the anxiety (thank you Elsa!), I went to be with friends who were hurting too, and I LISTENED to what I needed. Oddly enough, not something I had tried very often. If I didn’t want to read what I was reading, I didn’t, on to something lighter. If I didn’t want to paint the Sistine Chapel, I didn’t, on to something more my pace. If I didn’t want to watch something serious on TV, I didn’t, bring on Preacher (seriously, without being in that spot in my life I might not have tried it).
As for the creative side? Getting pen/pencil/marker to paper IS my happy place. When I couldn’t create from my brain I found other ways when I was ready. Paint by Numbers and colouring books are the beeeeeeeest! I was able to get all of the colours out, without the strain of too much stressful decision making. Bit by bit, these were able to provide what I needed to get back to a little more sketching.
When I was able to open up to new possibilities, I looked for other ways to keep my hands busy and creating for any time that my other options wouldn’t pull through. Enter knitting. This hobby really helped, I could zone in, if I kept it simple it would let me zone out too. I would be moving while resting my body, basically creative fidgeting. It was something new that satisfied, in part, some of what I was missing.
I am still not back 100% due to the loss of an uncle I was close to, life events in between and being out of practice. It’s an ongoing effort, there’s good days, steps backwards, improvements, but keeping up with listening to what I need is really helping (just need to maintain). Bringing “the zone” back is something that I have been working towards actively and view as an ongoing maintenance effort. It’ll get there.
Now, very important! I am NOT a doctor. This is a sound bite of what I’ve done for myself since this insane chapter of my life story, so please don’t use my advice as any sort of medical prescription. If you do need assistance, my biggest advice is to find someone UNBIASED to talk to. I did it (huge step for me, I don’t ask for help), and it was extremely helpful, and these ladies were able to help me put names to emotions I have felt my whole life but were super aggravated by these situations. Friends and family are the best, but the unbiased opinion of someone who doesn’t HAVE to say anything specific to you is wonderful too!